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Cure for the common cold (NSFW)

Posted by ThePsychobabble on July 18, 2009

Since the beginning of our marriage, my husband has tried to convince me of the healing powers contained within his penis.

“My stomach hurts.”
“I have something that will fix that.”
“What’s that?”
“My penis.”

Supposedly, his penis is able to cure menstrual cramps, stomach flu, pregnancy pains, headaches and broken bones. Apparently, his man juice is of a powerful variety indeed. One has to wonder why modern medicine doesn’t have him locked in a lab somewhere, subject to a battery of tests?

There are many days I wonder why he’s not locked up somewhere filled with doctors…but I digress.

For the last week or so, I have had a nasty cold. The kind where you want to curl up and die. Puffy eyes, runny nose (yet congested sinuses…someone explain that one?) pounding head, hacking cough…the works.

I tried everything. Various cough syrups, cold medicines, alka seltzers, teas, etc. Finally, I broke down and took the good stuff. The stash. The cough syrup with the codeine in it. Oh yeah.

I figured that if it didn’t cure the cough, it might at least knock me out.
It didn’t cure the cough.
So I lay there whining and moaning about my impending death. And my husband offered up his usual home-remedy.

And apparently I was feeling a little loopy. Possibly the drugs. Because I took him up on it. Despite the puffy eyes, runny/congested nose, headache and hacking cough. (Note to self: Check and see if The Man was on something as well. B/c that? Not. Attractive.)

And…..it worked!

That’s right, I woke up illness-free. Rescued from the brink of death.

By a penis.

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One Response to “Cure for the common cold (NSFW)”

  1. rob said

    It has been known to cure from the mild cold to Cancer, and some times, I’ve heard, that it also can make you feel better about paying taxes!!!!!
    THE DOCTOR IS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!

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